Feeling safe, soft and supported now is what truly made me realize all of the things I had to overcome and experience in the past. I was in a relationship where I felt unsafe, fragmented and unsupported. Now this is not to say I was perfect, I wasn't. There were moments where I acted out of character, let the triggers get the best of me, lots of shame and feeling like there was something wrong with who I am. I was constantly questioning myself, my purpose and my gifts. The fact was though,I was constantly in survival mode and feeling the need to guard myself, protect my son, hold God close, and realize that this is not what I want for us. and even my existence here on earth – it was a really dark time.
Do you know what always remained deeep down inside? That light inside of me waiting to beam out and truly guide me out of that situation I was in. I refused to settle, that’s literally for all the useless things at the bottom of the sea and deep down inside of myself I knew it. Despite all the messy, destructive and chaotic “love” I felt, I needed to feel a love that was consistent, secure, and truly authentic if I truly believed it in.
So I walked away feeling disorientated and defeated now a solo mom feeling like the weight of the world was being carried on my shoulders and wondering what the next step would even be. It was hard like really hard and so much growth, healing, and truly unlearning all of those behaviors and patterns that did not allow for my inner light to truly shine but if we’re being real once I mustered up the courage to do that sh*t that’s when life truly changed for the better. The flare inside of me finally lit up with unapologetically and I know who I was again.
